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You are trading the risk of many small heartbreaks, for the risk of one huge heartbreak plus public destruction of your reputation in front of everyone you know.

Since this is a post specifically about Christian dating, I should point out that the bible doesn’t prescribe a methodology.

Courting is the same game, just with all the commitment up front and the intimacy pushed to the end. Has JH saved thousands of women from unnecessary heartache? Has JH condemned thousands of women to the heartache of remaining single for the rest of their lives, because the barrier-to-entry at the front gate was set too high. If things work out – the couple end up getting married – then it’s all good. The question really is about emotional harm when things don’t work out.

Another big component of Purity Culture is the concept of courting. It starts very casually, a coffee, a movie, a drink. At the 4 month mark, if things are going well, you get introduced to his or her friends.

After 8 months, you have lunch with the family, usually over Sunday roast at a pub. You get married when you can find a venue for your budget.

The understanding is: we live in a fallen world, if you are hurting, someone has sinned. The bible does not say that all suffering is due to someone sinning. Sometimes our hurting is our own fault, perhaps we chose to throw ourselves into a relationship that at some level we knew was not that far along. As they got to know you, they realised they just didn’t want to spend the rest of their lives with you. The risk cannot be avoided, no methodology can guard against it, the risk exists because of what is at stake, the life-subject-matter.

In the arena of boy-meets-girl, the blameworthy party tends to be the other. We are not dealing with trivial things, therefore they have substantial consequences.

Indeed JH said that he though saving the first kiss for after marriage was reasonable.

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