Dating guidelines for men

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Keep in mind that you’re not looking for just sex or romance—if you want a long-term relationship, the character of the person that will determine whether your relationship will be a success, not his or her outward appearance. Dating Do’s and Don’ts DO'S • Do ‘shop around’—don't stay focused on one person until you've given yourself a choice. Wait until the relationship has progressed to exclusivity.

• Do pay attention to the clues about your date—you need to learn about this person's character, not just looks and charm.

DON'TS • Don’t assume your date is exclusive with you if you've never talked about it. Occasional silences allow a conversation to feel natural and unforced. Good reasons for going slowly into sexual activity include: reducing the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, avoiding the awkwardness of intimacy with a total stranger; averting codependent obsession; and having sex to look forward to.

If and when sex is right, it will happen—there’s no advantage in rushing. It doesn't impress your date if, in the long run, you have to make an embarrassing confession, and “buying” someone's company doesn’t work.

You have a responsibility to pay attention so you know what YOU think of your date. Offer your comments on the event or the restaurant, and ask your date what he or she thought of it, for future reference. • Do tell the truth—don't lie, but also don't share too much too soon.

Hopefully, in all these considerations, because you’ve thought about the serious issues in advance, you’ll still be able to relax and have a good time—so good, that you decide to keep dating each other. You'll learn even more about your date, and be more relaxed. When you’ve just met someone, you can't know where it might go, so concentrate on developing the friendship. • Do let your date know if you enjoyed his/her company. You don't need to tell your date about other dates if you two have no agreement about exclusivity.

Everyone seems to be in a hurry today, but if you rush into a relationship, you’ll create big problems for yourself.

Starting off on the right note will make many things easier later.

She is an online expert, answering relationship questions at Personals, as well as a Redbook Love Network expert and APsychology [email protected] columnist for First for Women. Tessina guests frequently on radio, and on such TV shows as [email protected], ALarry King [email protected] and ABC news.It’s a very self-involved thing to do, and it makes it impossible for you to relate intelligently to your date.What your date thinks of you is not really your business. If you've decided not to continue the relationship but feel you can't say so, don't make empty promises.If you keep the focus of your attention on being pleasant, having fun, and not getting too far ahead of the relationship, you will be great company.• Make Conversation Interesting and Easy, With No Deep Secrets You can talk about anything, including your personal lives, past relationships and love in general, but don’t be the one who brings up the intimate topics first.Be complementary whenever possible, and respond intelligently to whatever is said to you.

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