He had loads of swords and machetes on the wall and decided to hold one to my throat to show me how incredibly strong they were.” 5.“I met a girl who described herself as a 24-year old woman who’s blonde.She introduces me to her husband, and he tells me that they’ve been looking for another man to join them because his wife likes sleeping with two men at the same time, and he’s into it as well.For the first time in my entire life, I was completely speechless.
We decided to go get dinner, and she was even better in person.
Next day, I get a text from Ashley’s phone asking if I knew where she was and if I was the last person to talk to her. She knew where I worked and the rough time I got off work, which is almost an hour and a half from where she lived. I took a roundabout way of getting home and ran a few red lights but managed to lose her.” via GIPHY 14. “The guy was immediately sort of creepy – though he seemed perfectly normal via email of course – but I’d traveled a good 45 minutes to get there, so I figured I’d at least watch the movie with him and pay for my own ticket. I very quickly moved his hand and told him to not touch me again or I’d get up and leave.
Her friend went to her house, where Ashley had apparently left her phone, and her car and the front door was wide open. When she refused I said that I would and lo & behold, Ashley shows up. Didn’t know you cared about me so much lol.’ The next day I go to work. “I’m talking to this beautiful girl, and we eventually make plans to meet at a local pub. He had this weird look in his eyes that screamed ‘awkward 27-year-old that has never seen a boob and is creepily close to his mother.’ I sat down with him, and he put his hand on my leg. He just sort of chuckled and rolled his eyes and put his hand back on my leg.
I arrived on the date, all happy, but realized that the girl who sat was a 40-year old lady with two children and was just finding an excuse to leave her house.” 6. It turns out her roommate had been helping her reply to messages.
“One girl I met up with was on house arrest and ‘forgot’ to tell me.” via GIPHY 7. That’s cool, I thought, I can be friends with nice people that aren’t witty. A few weeks in, he told me I was almost perfect, except my upper arms were fat. “I had been texting this girl for a good three weeks, and we finally decided to go out on a date.
“I met up with a girl who brought a binder full of laminated copies of her own poems, then asked me to read and critique them at the table.” 8. Then I found out that her nose ring is a weirdly shiny wart that she tries to pass off as a nose ring because she’s embarrassed by it. Without asking, she reached over and started picking toppings of my pizza. “I joined OKC four years ago hoping to hook up with a bunch of girls. I suggest we go to dinner and a movie at an Italian restaurant closer to her place so she can walk/bus, and I can do all the commuting.