Invalidation is serious violation of one's "true self." Repeated invalidation may be one of the worst crimes one person can commit against another without ever lifting a finger against them. Such a sad scenario appears to be even more likely when the person being invalidated is highly sensitive, intelligent and has previously suffered self-esteem damage.This is because I can tell they don't take me and my feelings very seriously. " With a troubled look on his young face, the boy quietly said, "Not good." In response Sue exclaimed, sounding surprised and incredulous, "Not good!? I watched him take a few steps, then just stand there, alone. Maybe his father was the type who would try to distract his son with thrilling and risky sports such as hang gliding, soccer, surfing, and race car driving. I just stood there, stunned, while I watched and made mental notes. Now you might think this one incident is a small thing. Maybe they are good listeners when it really counts. Either way, they all could have handled that situation much better. To remind everyone that it is these little interactions with children that make a difference in their lives and in society. When I got there, she didn't seem very happy to see me. I tried to explain to her what I was afraid of and she said, "Don't think so much." (Actually, looking back, maybe it would have helped. " Then maybe I could have explained it to her and she would have learned something useful and it would have started us on a path of better communication and understanding.I see that they are not going to do anything to help prevent what it is that I am worried about. That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.) I was only kidding. I bet it is heaps of fun." Then she turned her attention back to the boy's parents. I still find it hard to believe that anyone could miss a child's reaction that completely. This is probably how he was taught to deal with feelings by his father and by the Australian culture. I probably will never forget the dejected way he turned and walked away. I want it to inspire me to keep working for the needs of children and teenagers. If one were to ask that child how much he felt understood, between 0 and 10, at that moment, what might he have said? It is unlikely considering what happened next, but maybe with someone else it could have helped.)I just sat there, stunned. Then I said, "Why don't you want me to think so much?Besides worrying about my laptop getting stolen, I am now also worried about traveling with someone who invalidates me. " Then she said, "Because I don't like it when you look so serious."I understand a little about why she didn't want me to think so much or look so serious.All invalidation is a form of psychological attack. Previoiusly she told me she was raised in a dysfunctional family.) A sensitive child who is repeatedly invalidated becomes confused and begins to distrust his own emotions. The Power of Positive Thinking was a big one at the time.
Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. So when they felt bad or angry I tried to help them find a way to make themselves feel better.To adapt to this unhealthy and dysfunctional environment, the working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted. We read books by smart people doctors, spiritual leaders, researcher, experts, etc. To learn more about something I know very little about from someone who is more knowledgeable than I? I believe no other person can MAKE you feel a certain way unless you let them.His emotional responses, emotional management, and emotional development will likely be seriously, and perhaps permanently, impaired. - people with more experience who were passing on their knowledge so that we could live a little smarter, maybe a little easier. So I learned many things: Moms mantra when we were upset was You can choose to be happy or choose to be sad, either way is a choice. If Im feeling stressed I try some different relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, turning up the radio super loud and singing in the car or dancing at home, count my blessings, or simply look at the beauty of the world around me.The emotional processes which worked for him as a child may begin to work against him as an adult. of Duke University supports the idea that invalidation leads to mental health problems. I know these things, but sometimes I forget and get carried away by my emotions too.In fact, one definition of the so-called "borderline personality disorder" is "the normal response of a sensitive person to an invalidating environment" (Psychiatrist R. Laing said that when we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. He writes "...a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses). So I give myself a time-out, I nurture my inner whiny child or nurse my wounds, allow myself to feel self-pity, then I remind myself how many blessings I have and try to do better.They were taught at an early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. To me that is like telling a fish not to swim so much or an artist not to draw so much. I know there are many ways other people try not to think so much.